


????

by lesbianchiyo



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Bad Flirting, F/F, Gender Issues, sorry for writing oofuri girls again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29708964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianchiyo/pseuds/lesbianchiyo
Relationships: Abe Takaya & Shinooka Chiyo, Abe Takaya/Mihashi Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	????

It started with an anxious thought, one she brushed off as another _lie_. 

Like her other thoughts, it stuck around. It bothered her during a water break, distracted her when she was up to bat and cost them a run. 

It was just another lie though, it had to be a lie. 

——————

"Taka-"

"What!?" 

She turned in a hurry, sighing with relief when she realized it was just Chiyo. 

"Sorry…thought you were someone else."

Chiyo pulled an empty chair closer, "Did something happen?" 

"No…" Takaya grumbled, taking her half of their sandwich. It was a habit to share lunch now; Chiyo always packed enough for the two of them. "It's nothing, I'm just thinking." 

Chiyo responded with her mouth full, "About what?"

"What's it feel like to be a girl?" She paused, "I mean, how do you know you're a girl or not? Is it a feeling? Do you just know?" 

"I think you just know? But I…I think you could feel like a girl? Do you not feel like a—"

"No-No I do… that's the problem."

"Why's that a problem?" 

"I don't always feel like a girl… or maybe I do? I don't-I don't know how I'm supposed to feel." 

"If you feel like a girl sometimes you're still a girl?" Chiyo made it sound like a question; one she didn't know the answer to. "Sorry, Taka…"

"No…no it's fine… I'm probably just overthinking again." 

————————

"Ren!" 

Takaya caught up with her after practice, hastily pulling her skirt over her hips before calling out to her. Ren turned around nervously, holding the strap of her bag close to her chest. 

"I-I have something to ask you..." She trailed off, anxiety setting in when she realized just how out of character she was being. 

"O-Oh! S-sorry about… hitting you whe—"

"No! No! It's not about that I-" She stopped when Fumiki passed by, she gave them a confused look but didn't stop. It stayed quiet until the locker room door swung shut. 

"Is…a-are you okay?" Ren broke the silence first. 

"O-Oh yeah! I was just…uhh do you…ever uhhh worry about your g-gender?" Takaya rushed the last part, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. 

"O-Oh… does Takaya want to be a bo—"

"No! No! I- I'm a girl I just I'm questioning it…" 

"Oh."

"Yeah…sorry."

"I-I don't really… worry about it." Ren paused, crossing her feet before uncrossing them. "I-I just am a g-girl… it makes me upset when boy's treat me… differently but I-I don't worry about it…"

"Oh."

"W-what does… why are yo-Takaya…questioning it?"

"Oh uhh…what does being a girl feel like?"

"It-It feels normal?" Just like Chiyo, Ren didn't have an answer. 

"Oh… I don't feel normal. But I don't think I want to be a boy either… I don't know. "

"T-Takaya would be a handsome boy!" 

"Oh…" She felt her skin crawl, "T-thank you. Sorry for stopping you." 

"Do you…do you wanna walk home t-together?"

Ren was the last person Takaya expected to hear that from. She happily nodded. 

——————

There was still leftover snow on the ground, but most of it had turned brown from mud. 

"Do you…do you wanna change your body?" 

Takaya dragged her feet against the concrete, kicking at small piles of snow while she walked. "No. I don't mind my body."

"Ooohhh… Takaya has ni-nice boobs." 

"Oh…" She laughed awkwardly, "Thanks…"

"I wish I had big boobs." Ren sighed, "Like you or-or Hama." 

"Oh… I never understood that. I don't understand why girls want big boobs. I think they get in the way." She paused, before adding on, "I think mine are normal sized. They aren't big." 

"The-They're bigger…than mine." 

Takaya laughed, "I think you have a nice body. It's very… proportionate."

Ren's face lit up with joy, she turned with a smile, "Really!" 

Takaya turned away out of embarrassment, "Yeah."

"T-thank you!"

——————

Her conversation with Ren was enough to cheer Takaya up. But once her head hit her pillow the thoughts came back. 

_"I don't feel like anything."_

She sat up in a panic and pulled her phone off her charger. She grimaced when she turned it on, before settling back down and opening up a blank google page. 

She was a loss. What was she even supposed to look up? 

_"I don't feel like anything|"_

No. That didn't seem right. She felt like her. She felt like Abe Takaya. 

_"I feel like a girl and also|"_

No. 

_"Am I a girl?|"_

She paused, before adding _"Quiz|"_

Her answers varied from, _"Yes"_ to _"Tomboy_ "

Each result filled her with even more dread. Why was she questioning? What did being a girl mean? 

Deciding to call it a night she went to close the tab. She stopped. 

_"Non-binary."_

She glanced over the paragraphs, before stopping at another list of terms.

_"Gender fluid, Genderflux, Genderqueer, Demigender, Demiboy, Demigirl…"_

The list continued. 

Takaya clicked through the terms, glancing over each explanation with a sigh. It didn't explain her _feelings_. She waited impatiently for the link to load, a picture of a pink and gray flag popping up first. She scrolled past it already knowing it was going to lead her to another dead end. She was probably just overthinking anyway. 

———————


End file.
